Age: 13 Years

Developmental Milestone

• Brain Development: Their problem-solving skills will start getting better. They also may have a hard time thinking about the results of their actions. They are more likely to do more risky behavior and will think they are immune from having bad things happen to them. They’ll be less literal with their words and understanding. Comparing themselves to others will cause others to be more uncertain about themselves, moody, and self-conscious. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues may begin to show up around this time frame. They’ll want to express themselves through clothes or extreme hairstyles.  They will still have a hard time thinking about the consequences of their actions and may engage in risky behavior. 

• Physical: Their bodies will be going through a lot of changes. They will be growing in height, gaining weight, and physically maturing. The changes may cause them to be more self-conscious. Boys that mature faster may grow more confident. In girls, this early maturation may cause them to be more self-conscious of their growing bodies. They may come up with questions like, why do I not have body hair yet? Or Why am I not growing taller? Make sure that your teen knows that everyone changes at a different pace, and it is normal for others to mature faster

• Language: During her teenage years, girls will communicate more via text than talk. Boys will have different talking styles and will use a different voice when he talks to his friends, when he talks to his teachers, and when he talks to you. They will have an opinion on everything, including the need for space and privacy. They will let you know their opinion without hesitating. 

Social-Emotional Milestones

For 13-year-olds, it is important for them to fit in with their friend group. They’ll want space to be and will want to have private conversations with kids their age. They will think the whole world is focused on them. They will be super aware of what others think of them.  They’ll talk to friends and will want less time with the family. Kids at this age are no longer adolescents but are becoming teenagers. Hormones will be changing at this stage so prepare for Mood Swings. Plus they will also be dealing with stress from school and dealing with their peers. They’ll be dealing with ups and downs in their self-esteem. They might be more rebellious. They will also start to develop romantic relationships. 

Life Skills: Relationships

Sometimes we want to believe that the best age that our kids should date is when they turn thirty-five or forty. In reality, we will have to face the fact that our kids are growing up and will start to be attracted to the opposite sex. Once we accept this, we begin to face the question of how to even begin to describe the idea of love, a strong and heartfelt human emotion?  Then, there are all the other questions you may have to face: How do you know when you are in love, How do you deal with breakups, When should we have the sex talk,  How do I teach and ask my child about their boundaries in a relationship.  Just as with every conversation we need to have with kids, the first step is always to be present and realize it will take time.  Even if you did not always make the right decisions about love, we must teach our kids our experiences and to learn from our mistakes. As a parent, we should also make sure to set up clear expectations and guidelines for dating and healthy relationships. Talk with your kids about what a healthy and honest relationship is. Make sure to build not just romantic relationships with the opposite sex, but also teach them how to build friendships first. Teach them ways they can first get to know people they are interested in. This may involve group dating where they hang out as a group in malls or to the movies. Dating at this age can start pretty early. The average dating age for girls is around 12 years of age and 13 for boys. Some experts weigh in that the best time to start a relationship as teenagers is after they have turned 16 years of age. There is a difference between dating as a 16-year-old vs. dating as 15 years old.    As a parent, set up clear expectations when you believe it is ok for them to start investing in a relationship. When they do start,  make sure to have answers when they ask why things are the way they are. Remember, you are the parent, and the choice is yours. But as you make this decision, take into consideration your child's level of maturity and responsibility. If and when your child does start dating, make sure to make clear rules and expectations. Set guidelines on whether you will allow your child to go on one-on-one dates or whether they can only date in group settings. Let your kids know about reasonable curfews, but also let them know of a way to contact you if they are ever in an uncomfortable situation. As they grow up, make sure to teach them what to expect in a healthy relationship and boundaries. Have the sex talk and make sure to answer their questions and complaints. Talk to your daughters and sons about the risk of pregnancy and STDs. Don’t tell them, “Just because I said so” but give them logical reasons. Talk to them about how to say no to unwanted advances. Give them an emergency plan in case they want to leave a hangout early or what to do if they are ever in an uncomfortable position. Finally, don’t make light of their first love experience. Relationships are an important part of a teenager's life. It’s their first intimate relationship. In the same way, make sure to be there for your kids on their first heartbreak. Teenagers may feel like the end of their relationship is the end of their world. Be there for your kids, and make sure to acknowledge their pain. Think back on your time as a teenager and remember how you felt. How did you feel about your parents' restrictions? Do you remember your first heartbreak? Try to empathize with your kids but also act with responsibility as an adult. Finally, take steps into being involved with your child’s life. Check out our resource page on how to talk to teens about dating and sex in a Christian way. [Article]

Action Items

• Use your time together as an opportunity to talk. Ask about your child’s day when you’re in the car or when you’re making a meal together. Share about your day. Ask your child to share anything interesting, stressful, funny, or weird that happened during their day. 

• Remember to listen when they share parts of their day. 

• Try to eat meals together as a family. This encourages spending time together, and it will also help children choose healthier food options.  

• Be a good role model: If they see you complain about your looks, they might copy this behavior. Remember, they are more likely to struggle with acne, weight issues, body image issues, eating disorders at this time. 

•  They might begin having their social media accounts, make sure you have safety measures in place, and you approve of the sites they use.  

•  Be direct when talking about sensitive issues like drinking, smoking, drugs, or sex.